Bring Them Up in the Lord

I. Introduction: As parents, our goal should be to make disciples of our children. We must train them in God’s law so they can learn to be like Jesus. Most importantly, we give them the knowledge and practical lessons so their faith can be their own, and they will serve God out of their own love, not to please us.

II. Text: Ephesians 6:1-4

III. Do not provoke them to wrath

A. Unfair or unfavorable comparisons

B. Do not compare your children to their siblings, nieces/nephews, neighbors, or co-worker’s children.

C. We often will not judge the children used in the comparison as harshly as the subject of the comparison. No one likes to be compared to another. God made us individually therefore we should accept our children as different from one another, other children, and ourselves. We should not accept unacceptable behavior, but let us urge the child to become the best he can be; not to be like another child. How would you like your employer, spouse, or children comparing you and your performance to others constantly?

D. Favoritism

E. Issac and Esau vs. Jacob and Rebekah (Genesis 27)

F. They were godly parents but each parent favored one of the children. This caused a conflict between the brothers and years of strife and animosity between them.

G. Joseph

H. You would think that Jacob would have learned not to show favoritism since he felt the sting of it as a youth. But he did not. Genesis 37:3-4: “Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.” The brothers plotted to kill Joseph but instead they sold him into slavery to foreign people.

I. Favoritism divides a family and causes the out of favor children to become resentful and bitter.

J. I knew a family where two daughters could never live up to the reputation and goodness of the oldest daughter who died in her teens. They never could compare to one who would never again do wrong and whose own failings were not remembered. These Christian parents lost their living children by favoring the dead child.

K. Relentless criticism

L. Irene Foy: “One may as well think to grow flowers in frost as to think of educating children in cold rebuff and constant criticism.”

M. Our words should edify our children, not destroy them.

N. Proverbs 15:1-2 – Words of wrath and edification Proverbs 17:27 – We often say things in anger that we do not mean or that we should not say in the way that we say it. Proverbs 25:11-12 – Rebuke wisely

O. We should never insult our children or call them names that would hurt their feelings.

P. I have heard parents call their children stupid, dumb, “fatso,” pig, ugly, and other equally derogatory names. Some will say, “I wish you had never been born,” “You have been nothing but a problem to me since you were born,” “You are worthless,” and other mean and hateful things. Imagine your boss, spouse, or best friend standing over you spouting these things to you. How would you feel? If your parents talked to you this way, remember how little and how worthless you felt and determine not to do it to your children. Remember, kids don’t usually know when you are “kidding” or will assume there is some truth to your insults even if you say you were kidding, so don’t say anything that would hurt them.

Q. Improper discipline

R. Do discipline

S. Proverbs 12:7-9 Proverbs 19:18 Proverbs 22:15; 23:13-14

T. Must be met with love and reinforcement; do not use one and forsake the other.

U. To use corporal punishment without love and reinforcement is brutal and will truly provoke our children to wrath. The use love and reinforcement without painful discipline frustrates the parents, confuses the child, and is ineffective for training children to obey. Even Jesus “learned obedience through suffering.” James Dobson: “The proper attitude toward a child’s disobedience is this: ‘I love you too much to let you behave like that’.” Not out of proportion to the crime

V. Must address problems early

W. Like straightening a tree, need to pull it in the right direction. Harry Emerson Fosdick: “No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed. No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.” Keep your promises when you promise to punish them. Yelling can sometimes be detrimental

X. Indifference/Lack of interest

Y. Lack of time spent with them

Z. Socrates: “Could I climb to the highest place in Athens, I would lift my voice and proclaim: ‘Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of your children to whom one day you must relinquish it all’?” Dobson: “Slow down, parents! What’s your rush, anyway? Your children will be gone so quickly, and you will have nothing but blurred memories of those years when they needed you.” We should be interested in the things that interest them. Often we have so many things that occupy our time, some of necessity, some unnecessary things that we have taken on, that take time from our children and spouse.

A. Lack of Affection

B. Our children need to be told that they are loved. We cannot show our love with the finest

C. Impossible standards of perfection

D. Herbert Spenser: “Do not try to produce an ideal child; it would find no fitness in this world.”

E. Ungodly Example

F. Anonymous: “Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.” Do they see inconsistency?

G. Would you wish to be treated this way?

IV. Train them

A. Teach them the word of God, 2 Timothy 3:15.

B. Teach it constantly, Dt. 6:6-7

C. Find ways to introduce godly principles and Biblical examplesas Dee Bowman’s monthly The Family Together

D. Take them to church services

E. Young people do not choose whether to go to school, take medicine, or bathe; why should parents let them choose whether to go to church services or not?

F. We do not want them to be ungodly, 2 Timothy 3:2-5

G. Teach respect, responsibility, and right