Real Men

I. Why did previous generations of men not seem to talk about what it meant to be a man?

A. Actually there are a lot of writings about being an honorable man, a gentleman, and even guides for behavior.

B. In prior generations where the family unit was stronger and the extended family lived close together there were fathers, uncles, grandfathers who guided boys, corrected their unmanly behaviors, and were examples.

C. Rites of passage to declare that a boy should not be considered a man

II. Need for real men

A. The influence of real men in the family is disappearing

1. Census Department: 43% of US children live without their father
2. Some homes have a father physically present but disengaged with his family
3. 1 Corinthians 11:1-3: God set an order that is often considered a suggestion in the modern family.
   • As Dee Bowman noted in a discussion with men at Vestavia last year: “Men must take control of the home.” They must set a direction and vision for the home and lead the family in righteousness.

B. The influence of real men in the church is often weak

1. Some churches have men but not elders because the men are spiritually weak and ignorant having given no serious effort to their spiritual growth.
2. Some churches have a few men who are willing to step up and work, learn to do additional work, and other men who are willing to let them do it.
3. Isaiah 3:3-12 – weakness of male leadership among God’s people led to women and children leading them
4. Deborah
   • Judges 4:1-9 – Would not do God’s will without Deborah going
   • Judges 5:10-18 – Instead of creating new great acts some withdrew
5. Ezekiel 22:23-31 – in the midst of wicked and oppressive men, God sought a man who would stand for Him and His way in the gap: to fight on His side
6. 1 Corinthians 16:13 - call to Christian manliness!

C. Generation of men who will not grow up

1. There is much secular research observing that teens are not transitioning into adulthood as quickly as their parents or grandparents.
2. net: “Using U.S. Census data collected since 1900, the researchers found that it is taking young people longer to make the transition to adulthood than it was a few decades ago, or at any other time in the nation’s history, when traditional benchmarks as marriage and parenthood were considered along with leaving home, finishing school and being financially independent. By those standards, 65 percent of men had reached adulthood by the age of 30 in 1960, but just 31 percent had done so in 2000. ”
3. Some cite the difficulties in the job market in allowing young men to become self-sufficient. That may play a part but let’s consider some other things.
4. com: “We’ve—collectively—created the culture that isolates teenagers and young adults from adults and adulthood; we’ve created extended adolescence.” (Youth minister)
5. Peter Pan: The boy who never wanted to grow up and only wanted to play and had to escape from the real world in order to maintain his immature life. Far from being discouraged in our society, our emphasis on professional play, entertainment, and sexual promiscuity encourage a long period of irresponsibility.
6. Wikipedia: “Puer aeternus is Latin for eternal boy, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it is an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.”
7. We have boys who do not want to leave the play of the world in order to transition into the society of men and take the responsibility that it is an honor for a man to bear.
   • I shocked a person who wondered why video games are intense and had language and other mature characteristics when I told her that video games weren’t made for kids, the biggest users are young adult men.
   • I’m not condemning the playing of games because alcohol, laziness, non-electronic hobbies, etc. can limit a young man’s growth.
   • Instead of seeking responsibility, some are passively avoiding it.
   • 1 Corinthians 13:11 (though in tongues context, applies) – there is a time to put away the childish things and accept manly responsibility. Can still have the hobbies and video games but they are a small part of one’s time while the greater time is in pursuit of mature behavior.
8. But I do not lay it all at their feet—they need men to nurture them to manhood

III. It takes men to make men

A. David’s charge to Solomon: 1 Kings 2:1-4 Prove yourself a man

B. Ephesians 6:1-4 – Fathers need to make men of their sons - Disciple them and train them to be men of God; show by example to back up your teaching.

C. James 1:27

1. Individual responsibility is stressed as we apply this in the institutional issues
2. Many note the work “visit” really has the meaning of “Oversight” – take a deep interest in their lives to make sure their needs are met and they are cared for.
3. I think “orphans” is an unfortunate translation because it makes us think of the poor child whose parents were killed and he is left alone. I prefer “fatherless”.
4. We often think of “widow” as the 70-80 year old woman.
5. Look at this passage as a young widow and her children without a father: do you see it in a different light?
6. There are young men, perhaps in your local church, whose father has died or abandoned the family. Those young men need godly men to “visit” (exercise oversight) them to grow them into godly men.
7. No matter how loving a mother may be, she can never be a father and she cannot teach him how to be a man in the truest sense of the word.
8. I had to learn about manliness through study, observation of good and bad examples, and the influence of godly men in my life.
9. PLEASE, look in your congregation to see if there is a young man who needs you to mentor him into manhood—start him as young as you can.

D. As adults, we need to help each other to be men of God.

IV. What is a real man?

A. Psalm 15

V. David contemplated the character of one who would abide in the tabernacle of God and dwell in His holy hill in Psalm 15. Here are the characteristics he observed:

VI. Walks uprightly: The ESV says one who walks blamelessly. The word ” walk” describes a manner of living. To live blamelessly means that no charge can easily be made against him. He strives to live holy because God is holy. 1 John 3:7 says, ” Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous.” (ESV)

VII. “Private and public life are subject to the same rules—truth and manliness are two qualities that will carry you through this world much better than policy or tact of expediency or other words that were devised to conceal a deviation from a straight line.” –Robert E. Lee

VIII. “I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.” –George Washington

IX. Concerned about his good character

X. Proverbs 22:1 – “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.”

XI. Samuel Smiles (1881): “The best sort of character cannot be formed without effort. There needs the exercise of constant self-watchfulness, self-discipline, and self-control. There may be much faltering, stumbling, and temporary defeat; difficulties and temptations manifold to be battled with and overcome; but if the spirit be strong and the heart be upright, no one need despair of ultimate success. The very effort to advance—to arrive at a higher standard of character than we have reached—is inspiring and invigorating; and even though we may fall short of it, we cannot fail to be improved by every honest effort made in an upward direction.”

XII. Does what is right: Not only does he live righteously, he is actively doing good. He follows the righteousness of the gospel (Romans 1:16-17). He produces good fruit because of the living faith planted within (James 2:14-17). Who he is and what he does is right.

XIII. Takes responsibility for his actions and is mature in the choices he makes recognizing their impact on the livers of others. “None of us lives to himself” – everything we do affects others directly or indirectly for good or bad

XIV. Marcus Aurelius: “A man must stand erect, not be kept erect by others.”

XV. God will make us accountable for our actions: Romans 2:1-11

XVI. Theodore Roosevelt: “We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, or courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done.”

XVII. Rises to meet the needs around him and has eyes open to find those needs.

XVIII. Doesn’t whine about his lot in life, but does what he can where he is.

XIX. Speaks truth in his heart: His life is not a false front. From the depths of his heart, he embraces truth. He does not allow wickedness in the place where no one would see it. He is true to God in the one place that only he and God can see. He also has a tender heart to receive and practice the truth.

XX. Does not slander: James 3 urges the believer to control his tongue. 2 Corinthians 12:20 warns that an uncontrolled tongue can destroy the relationship between brethren. This person does not use his tongue to tear down others but builds them up with graceful words of truth.

XXI. Does no evil to a neighbor or friend: He does not speak evil slander nor does he do wrong with his hands against others. His neighborly love is such that he will not listen to gossip or lies spoken against the neighbor or friend. Instead of doing harm to a neighbor, he helps and protects him.

XXII. Honors the godly and despises the vile: He gives honor to those who, like him, honor God and respect His word. These are the people with whom he shares a brotherhood and common love. Because of this desire to live holy, he cannot stand that which is wicked. It disappoints him to see people rejecting God and embracing immoral lifestyles. Like Lot, his soul is vexed by the evil conduct of the wicked, 2 Peter 2:7. The Judean king Jehoshaphat was rebuked for his association with the wicked kings of Israel in 2 Chronicles 19:2: ““Should you help the wicked and love those who hate the Lord?” The one who loves God will love the lost souls but despises their behavior.

XXIII. Keeps his integrity even if costs him financially: He will take a financial loss to preserve his good name and avoid bringing reproach on the name of Christ. If he gives his word, he will keep it no matter what the cost. Of course, one would be wise to keep his mouth from making agreements that will be costly to fulfill. However, for the sake of integrity, one must keep the promise and strive to make better promises in the future. In 1 Corinthians 6:6-8, Paul urges believers to settle financial differences away from the court system instead of being a bad example before the unbelievers. He urged them to take the dispute to knowledgeable and fair brethren or, if necessary, to accept being wronged rather than acting disgracefully and materialistic before the unbelievers.

XXIV. Generous lender: He does not take advantage of others in financial distress. He is generous and helpful to the needy. He uses his financial blessings to be a blessing to others.

XXV. Does not take bribes: Not only is he generous, his integrity and sense of justice will not allow him to take a bribe against the innocent. He does not compromise others and he is not compromised himself. He will not pervert justice for financial or personal gain.

XXVI. The principles described in Psalms are the core values of the believer. They become part of the character and guiding principles to ensure the person stays on the correct path. Daily Bible study and prayer help refine and improve the strength and depth of these values. Daily exercise of righteousness further integrates the will of God and the character of His follower.

XXVII. David notes that if a person embraces these principles he can live in God’s holy hill and shall never be moved. From integrity in the heart to the outward display of righteousness and good, this person strives to be like God and to be with God. And to paraphrase a popular song, ” No power of hell nor scheme of man can ever pluck him from God’s hand.” He will not budge from his desire to be with God.

A. Lives like Jesus – He was the perfect man on this earth. Know everything revealed about Him and live by His words and principles (Luke 2:52)

B. Question: What would you add?

XXVIII. Question: What would make a male feel like he is not a man?

A. How do I measure up in the eyes of other men?

B. Impact of family problems, job loss, life setbacks on our self-perception.

XXIX. End with Proverbs 4

XXX. Darlings:

A. (Not an exhaustive list)

B. Desires and accepts the responsibilities that come with being a man.