Giving Grace: Lessons from David (1 Samuel 24 and 26)

I. Grace and Mercy defined

A. Mercy and grace are similar, often used interchangeably, but they are distinct.

B. Mercy

1. Mercy is compassion towards a vulnerable person..
2. Mercy, at its core, is the act of withholding the full measure of deserved punishment or harm that is rightfully deserved in order to achieve a higher purpose or to address the consequences of an action.

C. Grace

1. In human relationships, grace is favor, kindness, or forgiveness that arises from the heart or will of the giver, not because the recipient has earned it (paying back a favor) or deserves it.
2. Taught by God, Psalm 103:6-14

D. It’s important to note that mercy and grace isn’t weakness nor is it excusing bad behavior; but rather it is choosing to respond with kindness even when it might not be deserved.

II. An key part of understanding grace is that we must be able to offer grace or withhold it..

A. God made men to be physically and mentally strong so we can protect and defend others, provide for our families, and be leaders in our communities and the church though difficult circumstances, challenges, and trial.

1. Generally speaking, men have the power to harm and heal, to build and destroy, to make war and bring peace.
2. Meekness is strength under control.
   • Such a man has the ability to hurt, even destroy others, but chooses to restrain that power, or channel that strength into actions for the best interest of another person.
   • It may be that meekness does exercise that ability to impose his will, and even pain, on others, to achieve a greater good.

B. Not exercising that strength is not always grace or mercy.

1. A non-confrontational or passive man may be praised for showing grace by not retaliating against an injustice but he is not acting out of grace or mercy but of fear, apathy, or weakness. Grace comes from a position of strength.
2. A permissive father who does not discipline or restrict his children from destructive or ungodly behavior may be praised as merciful and long suffering when, in truth, he does not have the will to confront the child’s behavior. (Proverbs 13:24 says he doesn’t love his son)
3. Jordan Peterson: “If you’re not a formidable force, there’s no morality in your self-control. If you’re incapable of violence, not being violent isn’t a virtue. People who teach martial arts know this full well. If you learn martial arts, you learn to be dangerous, but simultaneously you learn to control it … Life is a very difficult process and you’re not prepared for it unless you have the capacity to be dangerous.”

C. Finally, mercy and grace considers the bigger picture, God’s will, and acts to accomplish the greater good even if it means suffering injustice or pain to do it.

III. Let’s explore some stories of grace from David’s life

A. Mephibosheth, 2 Samuel 9:3, 5-8.

B. Uriah the Hittite, one of his 30 mighty men, trusted soldier

1. 2 Samuel 11:2-4, 14-15; 12:4-7 (brief)
2. Nathan’s story revealed the selfishness and lack of mercy in David’s actions and David repented.

C. Nabal:

1. 1 Samuel 25:1-13; 21-22
2. Abigail interceded, v.30-34
3. David risked shedding blood in vengeance and incurring guilt and God’s wrath were it not for Abigail.

D. King Saul

1. 1 Samuel 24: Incident in the cave
   • God had promised David he would be king.

IV. v.4 was not a promise of God

• David trusted in God’s way and time to bring him to the throne.
• Saul recognized his mercy, v.11-13, 17-19
• Saul uses this act of mercy to request grace when David is king, v. 20-22.

1. 1 Samuel 26: David Spared Saul again
   • Saul was sleeping in the middle of the encampment.
   • David and Abishai went into the camp and Abishai wanted to kill Saul but David would not allow it, v. 8-9.
   • David was able to show grace because of his trust in God’s plan, v. 10-11

V. Was David a man of grace?

A. David was a man of valor who performed great heroic actions against the enemies of God’s people. He could kill or command someone to be killed.

B. David was also the psalter of Israel, talented in playing the lyre, wrote deep beautiful psalms of faith, love, and hope. He wrote Psalm 24.

C. He was capable of conquest and vengeance which gives a depth to his acts of compassion, grace, and mercy towards others.

D. Like us, David was a complex man.

1. Sometimes he showed great integrity, sometimes he was quite deceitful and his lies resulted in the death of innocent people.
2. Sometimes he showed heavenly compassion but at other times he was driven by self preservation and pride to acts of ruthlessness or vengeance.

E. The most important thing to remember is how David reacted after being unmerciful and confronted about his lack of grace.

1. He repented very sorrowfully after the sins of adultery, deception, and murder (that involved the death of others besides Uriah).
2. He repented of his rashness intent to avenge Nabal’s insult and did not carry out the slaughter of Nabal, his family, and his servants.

VI. A man needs grace in all areas of his life

A. First, he must be a man of strength, willing to make the tough decisions and be unliked or unpopular for standing for what is right. Should be respect and fear.

B. Grace towards ourselves

1. A man needs grace towards himself because we can abuse and destroy ourselves for things we have neglected or done wrong.
2. QUESTION: How can we show grace to ourselves? Spare ourselves as David spared Saul?
   • Acknowledge Imperfection: Holding yourself to an impossibly high standard will only lead to frustration and self-condemnation. Embrace the reality that you are a work in progress.
   • Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend who is struggling. Speak gently to yourself, avoid harsh self-criticism, and offer words of encouragement. Remember that setbacks are opportunities for learning and growth.
   • Forgive Yourself: This can be one of the most challenging aspects of self-grace. Like David, it involves acknowledging your mistakes, taking responsibility for your actions, and then choosing to release yourself from guilt and self-blame. It doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior, but it does mean recognizing that holding onto past mistakes only hinders your ability to move forward.
   • Embrace Self-Care: Prioritize your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This might involve getting enough rest, eating healthy foods, engaging in regular exercise, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies and interests that bring you joy. Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential for maintaining balance and perspective. You cannot give if you are empty.

C. Grace as a husband

1. What are the biggest obstacles to showing grace to a spouse?
2. How does grace contribute to a healthy and fulfilling marriage?

D. Grace as a father

1. What are the unique challenges of showing grace to children?
2. How can fathers balance discipline with grace?
3. What does it look like to create a safe and supportive environment for children to grow?

E. We need to show grace with other members of our family, our brethren, in the workplace, in all areas of our lives there is an opportunity to show grace.