" I Was on the Verge of Total Ruin"

I. Proverbs 5:14

II. Those who have been in great danger can well advise others how to avoid danger. The wise will listen and learn. The book of Proverbs portrays a man giving careful advice to his young son before the young man enters the world. He relates the perils that almost destroyed him that he wants his son to avoid. Proverbs 5:14: ” I was on the verge of total ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.” We would do well to heed his advice lest we fall into total ruin.

III. Why The Lesson is Needed

IV. Read 5:3-13. He warns his son of the immoral woman. There are several warnings to avoid immoral women in the book of Proverbs. As is the case today, many will desire short-term pleasure and blind themselves to the long-term consequences. Why is this lesson needed?

V. First, many young people in our number hear a message from the world that stands in stark contrast to God’s message. The world says that the consequences of immorality are not high, if any exist at all. They must be warned.

VI. Secondly, elders, elder’s wives, deacons, deacon’s wives, preachers, preacher’s wives, and other church members (some older and well-versed in scriptures) have been involved in immorality. Some have felt their marriage a prison and sought happiness outside the marriage whatever the cost. Some have thought that an affair would spice up a dead marriage and allow hot passion to soothe the cold love of a marriage that is on automatic pilot. Some felt they deserved to savor the many pleasures of life that they have denied themselves. Some, simply, were stupid and got involved in situations that they should have avoided. This is not a lesson for the young alone, and if you are older and think that this lesson would not apply to you, please listen even harder. Satan looks for a prideful and comfortable heart to lead into unrighteousness.

VII. The newspapers regularly print stories of preachers involved in sexual immorality. I knew of an elder in Louisiana who came in one day and told his wife that he didn’t love her anymore and left the Lord and her. A friend of mine saw him with a young girl many years younger than him hanging onto him shortly after that. A preacher’s wife in Florida was feeling lonely because her husband was so busy with the work of the Lord and although she was very active in the teaching program at the church and a good Bible student, pursued an affair with another man. It seems that some that think themselves strong and above falling into sexual immorality are ones that are involved in it. Young Christians think they can go out with someone with an immoral reputation because they will be strong enough to resist temptation. I knew such a girl in high school who came from a very good family who would tell you now, ” You therefore, beloved, since you know this beforehand, beware lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked;” (2 Peter 3:17). They forget that if you take coals to your chest, your clothes will be burned.

VIII. The Danger

IX. His first admonition is to pay no heed to her enticing words. Though she speaks sweet and inviting words, and promises pleasure to the young man, in the end her words will be bitter and sorrowful. This warning is repeated in 6:24: “[The commandment is] to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.” Also read 7:10-21. With her attire and her words, she seduces the young man.

X. Women must heed these warnings as well. Some men speak enticing words, making empty promises, seeking to draw godly women into their sin.

XI. This warning is very applicable today in our society that promotes unrestrained sexuality. It is no surprise that when people go farther from God they become more focused on themselves and the base desires of the world. In reality, there are many more factors than the woman’s enticing speech that would result in the ruin of the young man. The morals of society encourage the pursuit of sexual immorality. Most people would see no harm in the young man seeking the company of the immoral woman. So in his mind, he might feel that immorality is acceptable even encouraged. Also, he must face his own desires to do what is pleasurable, but wrong. He must realize that Satan is attempting to draw him away from God. Consider James 1:14-16.

XII. The father warns his son of the immoral woman’s instability. The life that she has chosen is built on a wobbly foundation. Some people who pursue an immoral lifestyle simply do not know any better. Some are dealing with childhood abuse and neglect through dangerous living. Others are simply bored—they come from low-income families and to them sexuality is power and a diversion from the boring life that they must endure since they do not have great material possessions. Others consider it a temporary escape from displeasing things in life (though as we will study, it will bring on other displeasing things). The young man must be wise and see the instability of such a life. He must be founded on a stable foundation—the word of God. Remember Jesus’ admonition in Matthew 7:24-27. We do not want a great fall in our life; we do not want to be in ruin. The immoral woman cannot be depended on and her lifestyle leads to death. She has nothing to lose by continuing in her immoral lifestyle. He has much to lose.

XIII. The Consequences

XIV. First, there are eternal consequences for sexual immorality. 5:5 warns that her feet are paths leading to hell. Paul wrote in Romans 1:29 that such who commit sexual immorality are worthy of death. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:13-18. This is not the purpose of the body. We are to serve God with our bodies. God demands that these sensual desires be satisfied only in the marriage relationship, Hebrews 13:4: ” Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” The intimacy is not wrong. What is wrong is physical intimacy outside of the marriage relationship. When you are young it is hard to see this, especially when it is promoted and practiced in the world (though many in the world argue that it is not practiced as much as one would expect from television programs). However, those who are older realize the great wisdom and peace that comes from following God’s commands especially in this area. Young people will avoid many problems, emotionally and mentally, if they will heed the command of God and trust that He knows what is best for them and that only He knows how to give them true happiness and fulfillment. The devil can only offer temporary satisfaction but can give no lasting fulfillment.

XV. There are also physical consequences of sexual immorality. We all know of the diseases that can be spread through immorality, some that a person may have to endure when they have straightened up their lives and desire a stable family life. There is the shame and the fear of worse physical consequences from the disease. Some might contract AIDS and die for their sin. Doctors are discovering that young people who are sexually active are damaging their bodies. Of course, pregnancy is the greatest physical consequence for one becomes responsible for another life for the rest of his or her life. 5:11 relates the mourning of the destruction of the body because of sin.

XVI. In 5:10 the father warns that the young man’s wealth and his labor will go to the house of a foreigner. How tragic for those who are young to begin a life constantly in debt to pay for the results of a sin. How tragic for older people who are stable in life to come to financial ruin because they would not control their desires. Several studies show that in most divorces both the husband and wife are worse off financially as a result of the divorce. Strangely, many divorce because of money issues! 6:26 says that because of a harlot ” a man is reduced to a crust of bread.” Remember the prodigal son that spent his wealth on wasteful living. Matthew Henry wrote, ” many a man has been so, who has purchased the ruin of his body and soul at the expense of his wealth.” Some set themselves up for financial ruin because they have to start a family too early and perhaps get married before they are able to prepare for the workforce and must, instead, take any work that will meet the family income.

XVII. He will also suffer wasted years. The sad assessment of his life is given in 5:9 and 5:11-12. He reflects on his life and sees the damage to his body for his wanton lifestyle and the years that could have been used for good and service to God wasted and unrecoverable. I worked with a man in Florida with whom I had some of the saddest conversations. He had been through a couple of failed marriages and admitted that he had wasted all the wealth that he earned from some successful businesses on women, whores, drugs, and alcohol. He would look at me with some of the saddest eyes I have seen and tell me the shame that he felt for such a long life following foolish things. He had some wisdom now, from experience, but hated the life he had lived. He would give anything to have those years back but now he could only warn people like me not to follow in his path.

XVIII. Another man that I worked with told me before I got married to never let anyone draw me away from Cindie. He said that women want a man who is successful, stable, and who is godly and, strangely, will not mind if he is married. He then sadly told of his own marriage that ended as a result of his affair with another woman. He said that when he looks back on the pictures of their vacations, children, and other memories, there is a taint on all the pictures, that taint is the affair that ruined his marriage and all of his memories are remembered in the context of a failed marriage.

XIX. Adultery could lead to physical death. 6:30-35 warns that a husband’s fury will not be quenched. Some may pity a thief who steals because he is starving though he must still make good for his crime. However, the people will have understanding in handling him. However, a man who commits adultery is without understanding—dare we say a fool? No one will have pity on him for his actions especially the husband. The husband will take no amount of money or gift as recompense for adultery committed with his wife. He has fury aroused by jealousy and will not spare in the day of vengeance. 7:22-23 tells of the husband who though he had the moneybag, did not stay on the journey as long as his wife thought. The young man went to her like an ox to the slaughterhouse. When the husband came home, he shot the young man with an arrow. ” He did not know it would cost him his life.” A high price to pay for temporary satisfaction.

XX. There are mental and emotional consequences as well. The man in 5:12-13 is filled with self-loathing for not listening to those who instructed him not to pursue this lifestyle. Though at the time and for many years the lifestyle seemed pleasurable, in the end he mourned his life, 5:11. I remember a girl from college that was very involved with a life of immorality. She left the Lord and in her words, ” decided that I would be as good a friend to the world as I could be.” However, she later realized the foolish and degrading life that she had chosen. At the end she had been working as a cocktail waitress with, as she described, some of the most abhorrent and vile people. She repented of her sins and returned to the Lord. But for many years she had problems coping with her dishonorable life and immoral behavior. She had given her ” honor to others” and had to rebuild her dignity in Jesus. She did marry a Christian who was understanding and forgiving and the last I heard was doing well but she wasted many years in sin and additional years in trying to cope with her behavior and figuring out how to forgive herself. 6:27-28.

XXI. There are great consequences of an immoral lifestyle. Do not forget them.

XXII. The Solution

XXIII. How can one escape the temptations so prevalent in the world? We find several admonitions in these passages.

XXIV. First, get wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and discretion . We must see through the temporary pleasure to real consequences and eternal implications. Moses, in Hebrews 11:25, chose to ” suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin.” We fool ourselves if we say that sin has no pleasure, but those pleasures cannot compare to the earthly satisfaction and eternal rewards of godly service. Those who commit sexual immorality do not have understanding, 6:32. The young man who died in adultery was pictured as without understanding, 7:7. True knowledge realizes that though the desire of the flesh is strong, the spirit must control it for the better of the body and the soul. Again, the desire is not wrong, but it must be fulfilled within the marriage relationship. Within that relationship it is beautiful and does not yield the consequences and mental and emotional problems that are found outside of the marriage relationship. Discretion allows us to properly discern words and a situation so that we may avoid sinful relationships and tempting situations. However, wisdom and knowledge is not enough. Many people who were very knowledgeable in the scriptures have succumbed to sexual immorality.

XXV. We must also avoid sinful situations. What does the father advise? 5:8, remove yourself far from her and don’t even go near the door of her house. Many people sin because they put themselves in the wrong environment. from her and don’t even go near the door of her house. Many people sin because they put themselves in the wrong environment. You must put yourself from her; it is in your hands. If you know that someone has a reputation for immorality, don’t risk your soul by developing a close—particularly dating—relationship with them. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns ” Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.” If we can learn anger from friendship with an angry man, what about one who is sexually immoral? Don’t be fooled!

XXVI. Notice the downfall of the man in 7:6-9. He took the street near her house and then walked in the path in front of her house. He put himself in the wrong place. He went in the twilight in the evening, in the dark when no one could see him, and the darkness that often accompanies sin. If he was not in the neighborhood he would not have been able to sin. We must be vigilant not to put ourselves into situations that are ripe for immorality. We should not behave in such a way that invites sin. Married people must not flirt with the girls or guys in the office or neighbors or other acquaintances. Be extremely careful with lonely members of the opposite sex. Avoid the potential of a sinful situation and NEVER say ” I’ll be able to handle myself”—you are a fool if you do. Single people, be careful where you go and what you do on dates. High school and junior high students, group date as much as possible, avoid situations and places that may provide greater temptation to sin. Do not go into the immoral woman’s neighborhood or pass by her street.

XXVII. A great example of this is the young man, Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery and he was eventually sold to one of the highest officials in Egypt. He was a young man in a position of authority in Potiphar’s house when a strong temptation presented itself. Read Genesis 39:4-13 . Joseph was a young man and obviously this woman wanted him and tried often to seduce him. He could have said, ” God doesn’t care, after all I was sold into slavery. My family would never find out and what would it matter since they sold me as a slave? I’m tired of doing what everyone else wants, I am going to take what I want.” Yet Joseph told her that he would not commit such a great wickedness against his master and God and fled from the house. He didn’t try to make a cool exit or some excuse. He told her why he would not sin and quickly left the scene. He did not give into her persistence. If someone is persistently pressuring you to do something that you know is wrong, you need to terminate that friendship. That person does not care about you or your soul, they are concerned about their desires only. If you satisfy their desires, you will be cast aside for they will seek someone else to ” conquer.” Don’t forget about Amnon and Tamar that we studied in our Old Testament class. After Amnon raped Tamar he ” hated her with a hatred that was greater than the love with which he loved her.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 is simple, ” Flee sexual immorality.” Sometimes it is not enough to know what is right and wrong, it is often a matter of avoiding sinful situations and perhaps running if you find yourself in that situation. There is no shame in fleeing sin.

XXVIII. Another way of escaping the sin is finding a godly spouse with whom to satisfy your desires in a godly manner, 5:15-23. The Song of Solomon describes the wonderful fulfillment of this relationship within marriage. The spouses must be dedicated to one another and not allow each other to be taken for granted. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 warns married couples to remember their physical responsibilities to one another and not to deprive one another except:

XXIX. by mutual consent (Both must agree)

XXX. to give yourselves to fasting and prayer, which necessarily indicates the shortness of the separation (not some several week or month separation as some might teach with this passage—how long can you fast?)

XXXI. and, you come together again ” so that Satan does not tempt you for your lack of self-control.”

XXXII. As married couples, we put our souls in one another’s hands with regard to the physical relationship. If a married couple is having a problem, they need to talk and determine what the problem is, not just avoid the topic and live ” separate lives.” That is not what God wants and certainly not what the couple wants. God intended the marriage relationship to be filled with thousands of joys both physical and emotional. But marriage is work. An affair will not ” liven up a marriage” but will destroy it. Leaving your spouse for another person will not solve your problem because, in all likelihood, you are the problem. You will just have the problem with someone else eventually. Remember the story of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz ? She wanted to leave Kansas so badly. She was taken all the way to Oz and, despite all of the adventures, realized ” there’s no place like home.” It took the trip to Oz for Dorothy to realize that the problem was not with Kansas; it was with her.

XXXIII. If you are married and having problems, don’t look outside for answers, they are not there, only other problems. Look inside yourself first. Of course, at first you will realize that you are fine and all of the problems are your spouse. However, if you are honest, you will find your problems that are contributing to your spouse’s problems that are coming back to creating problems with you. Work with your own marriage, do some remodeling with your relationship—break down some walls, rebuild some foundations, open your heart to new possibilities, and paint over old scars. God hates divorce, and there is only one scriptural reason to have a divorce. However, God loves a loving marriage and will help you make a wonderful marriage if you let him.

XXXIV. I am saddened by young couples that divorce after a few years due to ” irreconcilable differences” when the heat of passion doesn’t burn as hot anymore. If couples would work through the initial difficulties they would develop stronger marriages and mature in their love and appreciation for their spouses. However, we are a ” give up” society and think that when the car doesn’t run like it did out of the showroom, that it must be replaced in three years; when the house doesn’t have that new feel we sell it in five years for a bigger, better model that we will ” really” be satisfied with; and change that spouse that we have outgrown after ten years for someone that is really better suited for us. We are a foolish society. Don’t buy into this foolishness!

XXXV. Finally, to escape this temptation, remember the judgment of God . Realize that God sees what is done in secret and in the dark places and it will be brought before us in judgment and possibly widely known while we are on the earth. 5:21-22 reminds us that the eyes of the Lord are on man and He considers what we do. Do not be caught in the cords of wickedness like a fish hopelessly trapped in a net. Do not lay the cords for your own trap. God will bring everything that we do or think into judgement, every secret act, every secret thought. The sexually immoral have their place in the fire of eternal punishment, Revelation 21:8. We must always be mindful of God’s judgment.

XXXVI. If you are guilty of this sin, repent now. Decide to no longer lead this life of sin. God will forgive you though you may have to go through much to forgive yourself. Consecrate yourself to God’s service and decide to do what is right. As Jesus told the adulterous woman in John 8:11 ” I do not condemn you, go and sin no more.” Pray for strength, change friends if you need to (” cast away your eye, cut off your hand” stresses the drastic separation from that which is sinful, it may cost you friends to gain your soul), and avoid situations that would lead to sin. If you are not guilty of this sin, don’t start. The easiest way to open the door for further sin is to start with the first sin. I remember the great sorrow of a girl that I knew that let her guard down one time—with a Christian boy—and had guilt, remorse, shame, and a poor self image as a result of the ” passing pleasure of sin.” Do not begin this foolish and dangerous journey. Be thankful of God’s protection and guidance and pray for continued help and be humble. Never get too confident. I hope that none here will ever have to say, ” I was on the verge of total ruin.”