The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I. Each of us has stories that we tell about ourselves to ourselves

A. There may be different elements to the stories and there may be different stories about different parts of our lives.

1. I’m not very talented in what I do at work but I am a really good father.
2. I don’t have a lot of close relationships but people know they can depend on me in a time of need.

B. These are the stories that we repeat in our minds that encourage or discourage us.

C. One key thing to remember is that the stories may not be completely accurate.

1. They may be too negative because we discount or dismiss positive feedback we get from others or focus on our shortcomings.
2. They may be too positive because we are blind to contrary evidence or our negative impact on others.
3. Some go to extremes: I can’t do anything right or I can do no wrong.

D. Some stories are unnecessarily harsh and critical and use extreme words.

1. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything right.
2. Declaring ourselves worthless is an insult to the God who made us in His image.
3. Sometimes we form this critical view of ourselves from how we think others see us or the negative feedback or criticism that we get from others.
   • One problem with this is that we may try to read minds by interpreting how people are looking at us or reacting, failing to realize that we can misinterpret their reactions or that other things may be going on in their lives that are coloring their reaction to us. Maybe they are having a bad day.
   • Often we fail to realize that some people who provide negative feedback or offer criticism may be unhappy, negative, jealous, critical, and dissatisfied.
   • Another person’s opinion of you and the choices you make is just their opinion, it is not an unassailable fact.
   • We should not put greater emphasis on the opinion of someone who is not godly nor someone who does not know us intimately and had demonstrated their love and care for us.

E. Our view is not shaped by how the world is, but how we see the world. Blogger Leo Babuta shared these examples:

1. You might be upset with your spouse because she was rude to you or didn’t clean up her messes for the last few days. Another person might have the same experience but tell themselves a story about how his spouse has been working hard at her job, has gone out of her way to cook a nice meal for you, and is tired and needs some comforting.
2. You might have a story about how you keep procrastinating, keep failing at being disciplined, never stick to a workout routine. Another perspective might be that you have gotten some great things done despite getting distracted, you’ve been passionate about learning something and that’s taken a priority over work tasks you’re dreading, and you are tired and need some rest before you can tackle exercise with vigor.
3. Each of these examples have very different stories about the same situations — it’s about which details you pay attention to, and how you shape the narrative of those details.

F. This is a very biblical concept and the challenge of the scriptures is to help us develop a proper perspective in order to see ourselves clearly and to see ourselves as God sees us.

II. Developing a proper perspective to see ourselves clearly

A. We noted that some stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are exaggerations and misrepresentations based on blind spots or lack of honest self-examination.

1. Revelation 3:14-17 – Laodiceans saw themselves as self-sufficient and rich
2. Luke 18:9-14 – The rich man praying at the temple

B. Sometimes we lie to ourselves

1. Proverbs 30:20: “This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.”
2. Romans 2:17-24 – Jews did not see their hypocrisy

C. We have to be careful with how we process the opinions and contributions to our story that others try to make.

1. David: 1 Samuel 17:28-27; 41-47
   • David’s brothers considered him an annoyance and chided him for not bringing the provisions and quickly returning to the sheep in the field; in reality they resented David’s questions about the reward for killing Goliath.
   • Saul said David was too young and inexperienced to fight Goliath.
   • Goliath considered it an insult that a young boy without armor and sophisticated weapons came to challenge him. Goliath belittled him.
   • But David saw himself as a faithful servant of God who would have success because he was fighting for the honor of God’s name.
2. Revelation 12:10 – “And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

III. The only opinion that should matter is God’s perspective

A. 1 Peter 2:9-10

1. You are a citizen of a spiritual nation chosen by God
2. You are part of the priestly family
3. You are the child of a king; you are royalty

B. Romans 8:16-17 – “The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”

C. We are loved by God so much that He gave His Son do die to save us, John 3:16

D. We can’t fool God, He knows our thoughts and actions, but He still loves us, justifies us, forgives us, and gives us an eternal home with Him despite our imperfections.

1. God freely forgives us and has mercy on our imperfections.
2. God is calling us to be better, to be like Jesus, and develops us by helping us get rid of what is earthly and develop what is spiritual and good.

IV. The story I can tell about myself is

A. I am imperfect but I repent of my sins and am being transformed into the image of His Son.

B. I have wasted some time and opportunities but now am devoted to God’s good works.

C. People may have opinions and advice that I can consider and I would be wise to listen to good advice from godly Christians that is in harmony with God’s revealed word. But I must realize that no human has perfect knowledge of me and my focus is to please God, not man.

D. I am the creation of God and have inherent value and worth and God proved my worth by giving me His love and a relationship with Him.

E. My story is one of hope, love, godliness, and usefulness in the family of God.